Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
