you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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