even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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