Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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