And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
