A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
