who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she looked like the before picture.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
