I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
