i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
