so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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