I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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