This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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