hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Shame - the story of my life.
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