two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
