This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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