We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
