It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
