Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
