haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
