I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
