so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
