i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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