LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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