she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
