i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
