if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
