i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
