I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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