he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think my moral compass just broke
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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