Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
