I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
