it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
