I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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