We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All the doctor said was why
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
