it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
