Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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