I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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