I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
