u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
