gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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