it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
