I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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