What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
