is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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