my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
