I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
