if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
