Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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