College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
