I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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